“The world in the past has been ruled by force, and man has dominated over woman by reason of his more forceful and aggressive qualities both of body and mind. But the balance is already shifting; force is losing dominance, and mental alertness, intuition, and the spiritual are gaining ascendancy. Hence the new age will be an age less masculine and more permeated with the feminine ideals, or, to speak more exactly, will be an age in which the masculine and feminine elements of civilization will be more evenly balanced.”
--Bahá'í teaching
Remember Ward Cleaver, Archie Bunker, Howard Cunningham? Those were the Happy Days for Men. They were in control; they knew who they were and what they were supposed to do.
These days, men don't have it easy. It is said that the trouble for men was started by Rosie the Riveter. Men came home from WWII and she wasn't home cooking dinner in her new dress and freshly ironed apron. Two short generations ago after centuries of submission to male authority women have made a break for it.
Today not only is the woman a college grad, she's looking after the house, she's meeting with the kids' teachers, she's a member of the town council or the library board, or running for office. She's working out, she has a full time job and she often makes more money than her partner. What she can't do, or doesn't like to do like fixing a carburetor, she pays to have done. She has her own money and 51% of the nation's buying power. She's smart and mostly self sufficient; she knows who she is. She has her hair and nails done and she shops to look damn good all the while.
Meanwhile men have drifted off in two generations into what? Ask a man what is expected of him, what his role is, and most haven't a clue. Men are increasingly the butt of jokes as couch sitting, beer drinking, football watching sperm donating afterthoughts. Women have their laughs at the expense of men. Women can be sharply outspoken in their cruelty against men.
All of this has happened in a very short period of time. One generation or two. Remember your dad. He knew exactly who he was and what he was placed on this earth to do. Mine did. He kept the checkbook and all the money, and decided how it would be spent. What he said was law. My mother protected and abetted his absolute authority. She would whisper to us, Don't bother your dad with that right now.
That isn't the norm these days. Not that all women, girls especially, make the right choices with their new found power. They pant after the likes of a Brittany Spears, or a Lady Gaga. They often don't make good choices about sex, for instance. Rosie has brought many girls to an open minefield of choice.
And the boys, to become men, are stunned by all of this. They are to be loving and caring, future diaper changers, but they had better not be too soft. Women want their men loving, but strong and able to take charge. This, when they have not been encouraged to take charge of anything much. They often see-saw from macho man to withdrawn noncommittal. Best choice is just not to get too involved. Take what you can and run. And many women seem to want it that way. Looks rather like the 50 year marriage is a thing of the past, fading into the mists of myth.
Should a man marry, many say they can do almost nothing to please. Too soft, and they're criticized for being a wimp. Too take charge, and they are criticized for being control freaks. Some men take up hobbies that require them to be out of the house for long periods of time and which their female partners are not likely to want to share: target shooting or hunting big game, racing cars, building structures like barns, garages, complicated sound systems, media systems, outfitting new boats, building fences. That last may be a metaphor for protection from the onslaught of expectation they can never hope to satisfy.
Girlfriends: Let's try to understand the situation. All of us: Let's try to hear each other better. Let's try for balance.
Thoughtful, and true, Ann. We human beings find it very difficult to strike a balance! And we are losing meaning in our thinking too.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, Carolyn. A constant struggle!
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